Maybe it's time

It’s been a while since I wrote to you. Last time I remember writing to you was when I was lost, searching for words through which I could speak to you. I wanted you to hear me out when everyone around turned a deaf ear. I complained to you of how cruel the world around was and how people kept changing like seasons. The world around felt like a place I never belonged to and all I wanted to do was to disappear somehow.

I was too scared of being lost that I decided to stop walking. I was too scared of failures that I decided to stop trying. I was too scared of being hurt that I stopped loving. I was too scared of life that I had stopped living it. Every day I had so many reasons to smile, so many things to cherish but I wasted it all crying over things I couldn’t be and thinking about the things that could never be mine. I felt like a completely directionless wanderer who couldn’t figure out where he was and where was he set to reach.

But today when I write to you, I want to tell you how beautiful this life is and how colorful this world around me is now. Hear me out like you always do.

So when I decided never to write to you again, never to cry over something or someone again, I met someone. I met someone very special to me. We spoke over a coffee and soon we began talking all day and even on some lonely nights. He was always there to hear me out, just like you. I was finally feeling alive again. I spoke about my fears, my dreams, my failures. I spoke about how lost I was and how hopeless I felt and he smiled at it all. He was really patient and sweet to me.  

I soon starting loving myself again, slowly. Each time I let out all my feelings I began feeling lighter. I began to live, I began feeling, I began trying. It felt like getting back to the ground after suffering a serious injury. It was hard yet it wasn’t impossible.

I asked him where he had been all these years and why didn’t he come to me on the nights I couldn’t sleep and on the days I dreaded to see myself in the mirror, to which he calmly smiled and said,” I have always been here, right here, waiting for you to notice me. I was wondering how long you shall stay away from me, carrying all the loads of your past. I was waiting for you to come and embrace me once again.”

I was too absorbed in telling my own tales that I forgot to ask him who he was to which he smiled and replied “I’m life, that life you thought had ended the day people walked away from you, that life you had stopped living when you couldn’t get what you wanted, that life you were holding on to just for the sake of it. But my friend, I was right here, waiting with surprises for you at each step, giving you thousand reasons to smile about each day but you chose to ignore it all.”

I paused. I stood there frozen and ashamed of myself.

I realized maybe it was time for me to meet life again. Life was waiting there, to be lived, to be enjoyed but I was too blinded by my fears, too scared to feel all of it yet again, too scared to love again, too scared to fall again that I kept it all within me.

The world around is filled with colors so bright only if one could stop and admire the beauty of it. 

Everyone around has a story of their own, some read it out loud while some suffer silently. Every failure has a way of guiding us to a place closer to where we have always wanted to reach. Every lost wanderer is on his way to explore an island totally undiscovered.

I have always been too self-centered all my life that I never stopped to look around and appreciate the perfectly imperfect world around. I have always wanted to win the race no matter what the race was for. I always wanted people to stay no matter how hard the going gets. But I failed to admire how every loss led to a new gain, how every night brought in a new morning.

If you haven’t met life yet, let me tell you, he is right there, waiting to be lived. Maybe it’s time for you and me to start all of it fresh again putting down the baggage we have been carrying with us all these years. Feel all of it again, face all those fears again, love as hard as you can but never be too scared to meet life again for maybe it’s time.