Full-of-emotions-yet-emotionless

Dear diary, 

Today I am writing to you because I need an honest listener.. I need someone who wouldn't judge me. I want someone who listens to my heart and doesn't give me conclusive statements or advise me. All I need is someone I can trust all my secrets with.

Every time I experience something new, I realize how beautiful life is and how blessed I am to have had such a life with everything I need. But, wait. No, there are things that hurt me too but Shh I am not supposed to tell that out. I am a strong person and I am not supposed to show how weak I am to this world. I am not supposed to express how I feel after I attain the age of maturity. I have to live my life without any complaints. I need to wake up as if nothing went wrong previously. I need to forget the past. I need not worry about the future. I should just live for today. 

But friend is that possible? We mess up things.. We often end up doing things in a wrong way. We often land ourselves in the path we never wished to. And when all of this happens, how can you still expect us to smile? They taught us that the difference between humans and other living beings is that we have emotions. But, are we even allowed to express the emotions when we wish to? Life was so easy when we were a kid right?-We used to cry for something and we used to get it so easily. But now? But now, we aren't supposed to cry firstly and moreover we aren't allowed to express what we wish to have. We are in that stage of life where we need to decide how we are going to spend the rest of our life. We need to lay foundation for our future. We mess up things, we need people to be around us to help us out, we need someone who would tell us that things will go right sooner or later.. In short all we need is ears to listen. 

But, dear friend, in this selfish world, you find people with you only till you suffice their needs, only till they need you. They listen to everything you have to say and later judge your decisions. They want you to change your plan of actions.. But I am living for myself, right? I just want to lighten my heart by sharing my sorrows and happiness, so why be judgemental about it? Some pains are deep and some words of assurance would work wonders instead of further interrogating the reasons behind our actions.. People promise they won't change. But with time, everyone changes. They don't look back to the words they once spoke out. They try to behave as if they are void of emotions but deep within they wish to cry it out, scream out loud. But NO! We are supposed to act brave! 

Isn't it normal to feel weak at times? Aren't we humans who have emotions to express? Shouldn't I expect people to be the person I once 'knew'? What is wrong in expecting things? Why can't I cry? Just because I have grown up, how can you expect me to do things perfectly? Even a balloon bursts if we fill in excessive air, and how can you expect us to keep everything within ourselves and not break down at any point? 

Temporary people, momentary happiness, unfinished desires, discontinuing our passion, taking decisions that could make us or break us, everything, every little things keeps haunting us. Our faces have a smile always. We are happy but some sort of fear is constantly eating us up from within. A fear of future, a drive that wants us to achieve everything what we want to, a fear that keeps asking- What if things go wrong? A constant fear of failure!        

    

Today I am writing to you because I am feeling weak, I am feeling tired of keeping too much within me. I am writing because I don't know if this is what everyone goes through at this point of time. I know you won't judge me. I know your words won't hurt me. I can trust you with my fears; you won't exploit me using my weaknesses again. 

All I need is to be genuinely happy. I want everyone to express everything openly. I want everyone to be less judgmental. I want everyone to be the same person they swore they were. I want things to fall in place soon. I want the confidence I have lost due to this fear. I want every one of you to know that, everyone goes through tough times. But people who were around you during your good times would be through your tough times too. Don't fear loss. You fear losing people but my dear, do they fear the loss of someone like you who could do anything for them? If not, then they aren't worth having a space in your life. They aren't worth thinking about. They are that category of selfish and emotionless people who would be around you only till they feel you are of some use to them. People should be more considerate and kind to others. Let time not change anything. Let things be the same as it was when we were kids - Easy. Let the lost confidence be found again. Let the fear of being vulnerable while expressing your true feelings vanish now. Let everyone be true, in this world. 

Dear friend, I want you to see this world as a beautiful place with all happy faces.. I want the smile to be genuine once again. I want people to be how they were once again and I know you have the power to change this world. 

There was a child who was once taught to express every emotion to others. He was told to keep nothing within himself. His parents, his friends constantly walked with him. But then, just then, something happened. Something that silenced him totally. They named it as "Grown Up Now". Today he is taught to be emotionless, to have no attachments with people. He is asked to keep his problems to himself. What will he do? He is confused from within yet acts brave because he is so used to 'ACTING BRAVE BEFORE OTHERS!' You know how that kid is now? He is you! He is us! The Full-of-emotions-yet-emotionless Us!

Thanks for patiently listening to all my fears and complaints, dear diary.  

Your Friend, 

Full-of-emotions-yet-emotionless!